Have you ever found yourself in a sequential series of moments where you feel as though everything is happening in perfect domino effect for some unknown paramount reason? If your answer is YES... then know... I FEEL YOU. This happened to me on a Sunday morning a few weeks ago...
Nothing was particularly different on this Sunday as opposed to other Sundays. Reggie came to pick me up and per usual I wasn't ready, and so began my usual frantic motions of attempting to finish putting myself together in the car. Reg was driving with one hand on the steering wheel while attempting to fluff out the back of my fro with the other. I simultaneously attempted to puff up the top while applying lip-gloss, buckling my shoe strap, and taking a sip from my water bottle. Yes. This is normal for us.
'too cool for school in the car' photo
Either way, we got everything together and as we headed inside a woman stopped me to compliment my recently fluffed fro. I thanked her, and she replied something to the affect of, "I wish I could introduce you to my student! Her self esteem has been so low since I've known her, and it’s all connected to her hair. She consistently wears wigs, sew ins (weave), glue ins... anything to hide her own hair. I finally talked her into wearing twists and the kids at school made fun of her terribly..."
My heart fell for this young girl... I found out she was a junior in high school, which is so surprising for me, because I figured that this was far past the stages/ages of bullying. I was wrong however, as I found out just how bad the bullying was. They called her names and compared her to celebrities who’s names I won’t mention…but just know, that they were not even women celebrities. I was angry, but what could I do. Service was about to start, and I felt more than 7 degrees of separation from this woman, and helplessness for her student.
So anyway, fast forward to the service. I couldn't concentrate. I just couldn't. Reg nudged me and whispered, "You cool?"
I looked at him. I wasn't cool. I wasn't ok. I couldn't stop thinking about this young girl. I wasn't upset that she wore extensions or weave...my issue was that she wore all of these things to HIDE what she thought was an unattractive human being. I couldn't begin to imagine the image of what she saw in the mirror vs. what actually was looking back at her.
As I sat in my seat thinking, our pastor began to speak about matters of Problem Solving. He said something that really struck me...
photo via HERE
The things that bother you the most are the things that you are destined to solve... He went on to convey a message that encompassed the notion that we are all predestined problem solvers... when God wants to solve an issue, he births a person.
What a concept! It may sound funny or strange to you, but this was interesting news to me! I began to think about my "problems"...the things that really get under my skin.
...More often than not in my life I have hair on the brain. I did not get outwardly made fun of in my youth, but at times I did feel the negative energy steming from the fact that I did not look like the other girls in my classes or on TV. Their hair softly cascaded down their backs, or was pulled up in a neat slick long ponytail...such styles were not foreign to my eyes, but were foreign to my own hair's ability. I often wondered why I was cursed with the unmovable hair...the hair that never grew past my shoulders, nor blew graciously in the wind.
Many things happened concerning it-my seemingly problematic hair, but to make a long story short, I transitioned into wearing my own hair in its natural state a few years ago, and I haven't looked back since...I now love my hair, but not because of its style (which I now explore and try out a variety of). I love it because I learned to love myself...my whole being, regardless of what grew out of my scalp.
I can sit here and write a full story about this process but the short of it is...on that Sunday, I realized that I had a problem to solve...but not for myself… for other young women. Whether through education, conversation, or just being an example, I have to be involved in the fight to raise the self esteem of others who are blinded by society and the media's pressures of "what they should or need to look like or be" in life to be considered beautiful or worthy.
This post may seem choppy to you, out of order, or meaningless. It’s all good though... my dominos are still falling and the picture won’t seem perfectly clear until the final one lays down. I'm not sure where my journey will take me, but Psalms 37:5 states, Commit thy way unto the Lord; Trust also in Him; and He shall bring it to pass. So, I'm doing what I can to open my ears to hear God's directions on solving one of my predestined problems. *smile*
Keep up with me... I'm sure something will develop quite soon... and in the mean time, let me know by responding in the comments box below… What’s YOUR PREDESTINED PROBLEM to solve?
I love all your hairstyles, Ne! No negative energy from me. I loved how you always changed up your look. So stylish :). My heart goes out to that poor girl. Kids can be so mean. A lot of times it's cause they are insecure about their own looks. Not sure of my problem to solve. Good question! I'll have to think about it. Love you!
Posted by: Alissa | 05/09/2013 at 08:25 PM
Hey Alis,
Absolutely no negative energy from you!...and I'm in total agreeance that many times people make fun of others because of their own secret internal self esteem issues... It is sad though, and something that needs to be looked at and delt with. In the mean time, keep thinking about your 'problem' and let me know what you come up with. love you, Joe, and Baby Char!:)
Posted by: SBG (skinnybrowngirl) | 05/10/2013 at 02:09 PM
Love your blog...inspired and motivated to do something with the inspiration!! Thank you.
Posted by: Kevin Brown | 05/15/2013 at 08:03 AM
Thank you Pastor Kev... YOU have inspired ME! ...and many more! Thank you again. :)
Posted by: SBG (skinnybrowngirl) | 05/15/2013 at 03:21 PM
Very inspirational message...especially the quotes from your pastor. I want to tape it to everything I own as a contanst reminder of Purpose!!
PS/I'm really enjoying your blog. You are an amazing writer! Wishing you much continued success!!
Posted by: Shekia | 06/06/2013 at 01:32 PM
Thank you so much for the support! Im genuinly so excited that you're reading and sharing the process of growth! Excited for what is to come in. :)
Posted by: SBG (skinnybrowngirl) | 06/07/2013 at 01:36 PM